| Waiting is Over Now |
| 7:01 AM 11/7/2003 This am at sunrise I awoke unexpectantly and couldn't find Purrby anywhere.He doesn't have much strength to go anywhere,so the last place I looked with the help of the flashlight was under the bed as it was still not light. He wasn't THERE either. I found his pretty self in plain view in front of his water in the living room.How did I miss him before when I looked?I gave him a syringe of chicken broth and refilled all his water,dribbling some over his mouth.He did not take any water.Nada in the litter box.I know my Purrby baby is leaving.He sprawls wide legged on the floor.When I gave him a bit of Gerber he seemed so hungry,yet has no energy to eat.He just laid sideways and licked maybe two very small spoons of the chicken gerber.Then I tried to get some water into him and he wasn't interested.He slept most of the night on my bed. Not a purr coming from him. I picked him up from the floor and laid him on my bed,I told him what a great patient he was back in July.How he made his first outing in August,smelling everythng like it was his very first time.I put the healing angel music on and let it play constant the entire day. Earlier I opened the door and he kinda looked for a moment and then went on resting.I picked him up and took him outside into the sunshine of early morning.He stood for a moment,uneasy on his legs and came inside and laid.I am looking at him now,laying on his side.His mouth is very gray,no pink.He is opening his mouth gasping for air as I write these words. When he was on the bed and I was talking to him,he left a guttural sound from his throat,took a deep breath as much as he could.He looked like he wanted to get down,so I placed him on a velour blanket beside the bed. He stumbled over to the door and that is where he has been laying for the past 15 minutes.I can see him fighting for each breath and wonder how many hours,days I will have him with me. I don't think I am very good at letting go. I can't find any peace in this. His ear growth looks so much better,his mites are all gone now.He lost weight,and now this. I feel alone,and yet I know my sisters are beside me.Buf called last night and told me how much she loved me. She has experienced so much loss,where I have not.Just my daddy. How am I going too live without my Purrby? All his things,his favorite brown paper bags lying unused on the floor.His favorite spots he likes to lay void of him. I just don't know,where will I place him? So that I may visit him? What will I wrap his still white form in? My tears are just beginning to fall and I know they are unlimited. How has this perfect cat took my heart? a thousand ways. Death, a release of life for my Purrby. A sentence of sadness for me. This is how I feel. This moment in time |
| I just went down and put two loads of wash in.I am not of right mind-set to take Patricia on errand runs today as I promised her. I must stay here with my boy. I went into my bedroom earlier and smelled a odd smell.Not real strong but upon investigation found that Purrby had went too the bathroom on my bed.I know he did not have the strength to get up.He is forgiven.The window is open,I sprayed Fabreeze on the wet spot that had went through too the mattress. He has on a number of occasions showed his displeasure about something and let go at odd places. Even when he was so sick before he went in the litter box. Cat urine is at times very strong.I am hoping the smell does not linger.I also found a spot in the living room on the bare floor.I know he is doing the best he can.I just held his head in my hands,I had too lift his chin.I told him I understood how very tired he was,I told him to close his eyes,with no worries and go where he was being called.I know in a way he hates leaving me as much as I can hardly bare the thought. 1:14 PM 11/7/2003 A long day,waiting,watching my friend die.nOah called,I just couldn't talk.I left a message with Polly and Buf came for a few minutes.I expected him to be gone by now.How can he hold on,like he does?After I gave him the syringe,he drank a bit on his own.It wore him out and he sprawled bear like on the blanket. Then he tried to get himself up to go too the bathroom.I know this is what he wanted too do.He has no energy for that.He fell back on his back leg,it was curled abnormally behind him.I straightened it out and he relieved himself with a big gasp and soiled the blanket.I will not move him anymore.I suppose this will be where he transcends.I have my slippers near him and give him water and chicken broth with the syringe.His mouth is so blue-gray..No pink can be seen.I have his Purrby bag,the crinkly one he loves freshly washed and dried.A large plastic bag sits in wait in the corner.I know Elio would want to say goodbye to Poncho.I am hoping I can bury his beautiful shell at Ramona's on Cindy Ave.This is where he found me.It seems appropiate.Patricia suggested a burial at sea.That dosen't seem to be a option at this point.Once they come in,they won't be going back out for awhile.Besides he hated water. So,here I sit,tear stained face...laundry all folded,house in disarray.Bed still unmade. Rhea called,I guess she hasn't read my email from last night. 1:25 PM 11/7/2003 I am sobbing,Crying~,messages from Polly and nOah. 3:50 PM 11/7/2003 Purrby has been in the same spot since 12 this afternooon when Buffy came.When she was here he was grooming his mittens and swiping his face with his handi swipes<G>I told her I knew he would be gone before sunset.He just moved a bit,so I helped him to his chair in here with me.He is not gasping like he was,but I know this is not a miracle here.He can not do for him self now,it is a waiting game.One I wish not too play.I do not want him too suffer and yet I can not have him put down.Tomorrow I will call the vet and see what she has to say about it.It will be a long night.Polly called and we talked a long while.She is sad also and I know she dosen't know what too say. |
| 9:18 PM 11/7/2003 Around 20 till 5 I called nOah.Purrby was resting in his chair in the computer room,his favorite chair and breathng hard but not gasping.I felt I needed to sleep and I wanted to make sure no one called.nOah didn't answer,she had said too call her and she would call me back.Guess she had stepped out.Before going to bed.I came back here around 4:45 PM. Purrby looked up at me with those sparkling green eyes and I went and got him a bit of Gerber baby food and a syringe of water.He ate from his silver spoon as if he was starving.Then I gave him just a bit of hairball remedy jell which he licked off my finger.Afterwards he suddenly looked in dire straights,his head was down between his paws and he was making strange sounds.I tried to position his head and that's when he threw his head back and opened his mouth so wide gasping for air.He moaned and continued gasping for air.I held his head in my hand~I rested my head on his beautiful white fur and listened and heard those horrid sounds and then the last beats of his dear heart.Within 5 minutes he was gone. My Purrby is gone. I have him wrapped in plastic and I then placed him inside his crinkly Purr-Kat bag.I softly covered him with the blue cat blanket,leaving his peaceful face in view. Rhea and family are coming tomorrow.Everyone is at a loss of words.I am exhausted.I knew the day would end like this. All Purrby's things are put out by the dumpster.A whole box of fresh litter,his blanket he laid on today.His toys. I kept his mitten brush gloves as his hair was still on them from his last love brushing.I also kept his very favorite cat-nip buddie toy.I will give Rhea alot of his things for her two cats. As I look at my Purrby Boy he looks peaceful,no more pain. For 8 long years he was a blessing too me that is indescribable. The house already seems empty.Buf and I will make arrangements to bury him tomorrow evening in her garden by the beautiful waterway canal. Full moon,white cat,like that picture. I annointed his head in lavender and zzzzz sleep,peaceful sleep.The entire apartment is vacumned and fresh. I took some Rescue remedy flower essence and am going to try and sleep. My head feels like it has taken leave of my body. . Tomorrow is another day. |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Five Hours before he left for Rainbow Bridge |
| Created by Cynthia Martz with a heavy heart 2003-2011 |